Personal Discovery... Long delayed.

I was traveling for work a couple weeks ago, before Christmas, and started to work on an entry while flying, but never got the chance to publish. I would like to continue on with those thoughts...

...I find that airplanes have really become a bit of a staging point for thoughts. A time where I can’t do all the other things I need to do, so I have the time to jot down thoughts.

I was updating my daily running log and started to go deeper than I usually do and now that I have an outlet to really stretch my writing “chops” I want to expand upon what I was hitting on in my log.

I began with the normal notes that I make, temperature, weather, time of day, distance and time of run. As I was elaborating, describing how I felt during, I started to think about the fact that it was so cold outside and way to early to be running. Then the comments that others have made began to come from the back to the front of my brain.

I have been identified as a “running freak” and people have cheered and jeered at me for running every day. While some people make comments because it is not their lifestyle, others because they are envious, the whole thing comes down to one question: How do I define myself?

Sure, people’s perception of me certainly adds flavor, but the reality is, I am my own person and I have to accept the decisions that I make, good or bad. Yes, I am a runner. But I am also an advertiser, a designer, and many other things. But it really struck me today. My most prominent identifier to the many people that I interact with on a daily basis is, I am a runner. I may have taken it to a level that people can’t comprehend or think is obsessive, but I don’t feel that is the case, I have become very in tune with my body and have to practice moderation.

But the reality of the situation is, I like it. I am at my very core, a runner. Whether I be running from something, running to something, or taking a break from my day. Even I don’t have the answer. It all revolves around my run. I can’t complete a day without “suiting up” to quote Barney from How I Met Your Mother Granted it does not involve me putting on a suit and tie but rather lacing up my New Balances and hitting the roads. I have scheduled it my work calendar. My colleagues know that come lunch time, I will be gone and off the radar. On those rare chances where I can’t go at lunch, sure enough I probably disappear for a half hour, returning, hair wet and occasionally still sweating. (I do take a shower)

Last Friday, I made a mistake, and it was what I would consider a large one. I was eased by many claiming that it wasn’t a huge one. But even if that was the case, I will not make the same one twice. And while their kind words did help. It wasn’t until I “suited up” and pushed my body to its limit that I was able to see past the mistake. I took a long lunch, and while some might use the opportunity to chat with a friend, have a coffee, whatever a stress reliever is to some. I opted to run 11 miles, which I don’t often do, in fact, I hadn’t run over 7 miles in a year’s time.

And as I kept going and going, I pushed past the anger I had for myself. That feeling of guilt and upsetness and the nauseating tightening of the stomach. The r...

...un cleansed me of all energy, because after a while there is only one thing you can do. Put one foot in front of the other until you make it home. And I still had the day to finish. But I persevered as one could tell, since I am tackling this much later in time.

But letting these thoughts sit for a small amount of time has given me greater clarity. People choose the identifiers for each other based on what they are not. By that I mean that where I work, everyone is a advertiser and everyone is a designer, but not everyone is a runner. Yes, there are some cyclists and people who go to the gym and runners throughout. But they are not the one who see me as a "runner" they see me as a "fellow runner" But my goal of going running everyday has drawn attention to myself... hey who doesn't like attention. And I am torn by the notion of one day my streak will end and I can't say that I have run XXX days in a row... and the fact that it is a difficult thing to do, pushing the body everyday without complete rest.

I salute all who have exercised everyday for however many years, never missing a day. And I urge you all to find something that you love and benefits you and try to do it every day...